Tonight

Was painful. I was so desperately afraid that Desi wasnt going to stop cutting. That she wouldnt wake up in the morning. I sat here crying for about 20 minutes... reaching out to a couple people I know. They helped some. Im glad I got such great friends. The pain is intense though... and I know one day itll be even worse, cus one day one of the people I care about will slip up, or go to deep, or something else, and they will be hospitalized or they might even die. That will hurt me. I know I wont be able to handle it, and that scares me. Today Ive realized just how much Im scared of. I think the best solution to all of it is to trust in God and let him in my life more completely. It really shook me what that pastor said today. To know that I might prevent that much pain to a family is great, but I might also be preventing the joy of that one man. I wont stop doing what I am though, because I think that its the right thing to do. I really need to talk to a pastor or something, cus Brian and John dont really have any experience in this. Then again i dont know if the pastor does either, but it sounds like he does. Next week i will talk to the pastor, or one of them.

----------------
Now playing: Collective Soul - The World I Know
via FoxyTunes