TWLOHA

I am so greatful for this organization. www.twloha.com
I am not the type of person they are trying to help. Contrary to the black color scheme I have, I am not depressed, I do not cut myself, and I am not addicted to anything. It helped me still.
I heard about it from an Anberlin concert. I got involved through the facebook group, and now I am currently helping two girls who cut. One who is happy how she is, and all I can do is postpone the cutting an hour or two. I still love her, and would do anything she anted of me. The other I jsut started helping tonight. She wants to stop and I plan on helping her. I love her jsut as much as the other and once again would do anything she needed of me.
The way these two girls have helped me is seeing their pain has boggled my mind and opened my heart. I dont understand why they would take their beautiful ( and yes, they are beautiful on the outside, just like talking to them I have learned that they have a great inner beauty as well) bodies and mutilate them. I could never comprehend an emotional pain so large that it required a physical manifestation, and I have dealt with some SERIOUS shit. I wont put it on the internet but lets put it this way: biological father+jail+sick fuck+having to see him once a month for 5 years= SERIOUS SHIT. So it has made my mind question things, which is always good. It also has opened my heart. I used to be a cold hearted bastard, I admit it, everyone knows it even if they wont admit it. I never let anyone in, because I have been hurt bad in the past. Their pain has made me open my heart and pour out all the love I have held back over the years. Its no the "lets run away and get married" type of love, but an unconditional love that I have tried to think of a different way to describe it because this is going to sound very egotistical, but I think it is God's love pouring through me to show him that people do care, and so does He. I have felt my faith grow since I started to help these girls out. I am still the same heretical Christian I was, I refuse to go to a church because my church is this amazing world he has made for all of us. Yet, I havent felt the urge to lie as much as I used to, and my conscience is a louder voice in everything I do. I love what I am doing in helping these two amazing girls and I want to help more.