The Joker viewed that the average person was a schemer, a plotter, a planner. He also saw those three things as inherent evil, as inherently wrong. Granted he saw it that way because he wanted to watch the world burn, but it wasnt those motives that resonated with me. I am NOT an anarchist. I agree with that viewpoint, but not with his logical process. I feel that shemers, plotter, planners are inherently wrong for a different reason. When we, as humans, create plots, create schemes mentally, we are saying our plans are greater than God's. We are meant to live by a plan, yes, but not one of our creation. This divine plan supercedes all, and all other plots and plans must make way for it, or be destroyed.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Heath Ledger's Joker
So, I saw Batman opeing weekend, and then again 2 weeks later with friends, and then a week after when my older brother got back stateside. I was fascinated with the Joker. I was fascinated with his idea structure, with his code of ethics, with his view on life. It somehow resonated within me, and struck a chord. It took me weeks of contemplating it to understand why.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Rant 1.1
I was listening to the radio today, and a song was playing, talking about 9/11. It asked the above question, have we forgotten. It got me thinking and here are my thoughts.
The unconscious definition of American freedom has been drastically changed in the mere 232 years of this countries existence. I would argue that we have forgotten, forgotten what true freedom is, what true freedom means.
Freedom, according to the second definition at dictionary.com, is exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc. A more eloquent definition is freedom is a soul's right to breathe (I cant remember who said this, i think it was jefferson). Sadly, I see neither of these definitions in modern day America, more so than any other country, but still not there. I see it in the old American West, and in the colonies more so than anywhere else in all history.
Modern day freedom is a desire for freedom from pain, freedom from responsibility, freedom from being offended, freedom from want. Americans have lost their dream. One simply has to look at the size of the government over the past 100 years to see this. We, as Americans, have allowed more and more power, and more and more responsibility, to be removed further from our control. We have allowed countless departments, services, and dollars to merge into the federal government. This is an issue to me because the 10th Amendment SPECIFICALLY relegated these items to state control so that the issues at hand could be decided at a more local level, and everyone would have more control over it. We have allowed inefficiency caused by bureaucracy to infect vast tracts of our nation. One cannot argue that the government is more efficient than the free market on virtually any subject. This phenomenon is due to a concept called the invisible hand of economics, which I do not have time to go into here.
Furthermore, the federal government acts like a rather petulant bully over the issues it does not have direct control over. One must only look at speed limit regulations in the state of Montana. For years, the state of Montana had no speed limit outside of major urban regions. They also received no federal funding for the upkeep of these same highways, unlike every other state in the Union. The state of Montana did not do as the federal government asked, so the federal government withheld its money from the state, thereby making those roads less likely to be up kept, making the roads more dangerous for the drivers upon them. Finally, the cost of up keeping its state highway system grew too large, and the state of Montana caved to federal pressure and instituted a speed limit of 75 mph in 1996. They promptly started to receive federal funding.
The majority of this reduction of personal freedom occurred during or after the New Deal. This is plain to anybody with a sense of history and the barest minimum of intelligence. After the New Deal, the Democratic Party started to represent New Deal liberalism, this mentality that people are not able to provide for themselves, so the government should step into that role as provider. The logical end of that thought train is represented in socialism. To bely that fact, the modern day Republican party believes that people are not morally good, and are incapable of making moral choices. Therefore they are stepping in as the role of protector, whose logical conclusion is fascism. Neither of these roles take an optimistic look at people, neither of these roles allows people any freedom at the end of the day. The simple reason why we have fallen to neither of these evils is the democratic process, pitting these evils against each other in a field of combat where, hopefully, those who desire the most freedom for themselves decide the winner. The only flaw in this system is when those who decide the winner, the American people, fall in love with the economic safety nets of one side, or the lack of moral decisions on the other. This has been occurring for at least the past 70 years, and the worst part is that it is the American people's own doing.
Above i mentioned freedom from responsibility. That very concept is oxymoronic. To have freedom is to have choices. To have choices is to have responsibility. Freedom from responsibility is to live like a child, where you have no choices, and your parents, or a nanny state, make every decision for you.\
This note has taken me 2 hours to write. I have chosen my words carefully, and thought things out thoroughly. I write it to get words on a page, hence why nobody is tagged. It is not what i intended to write when i set out, but it is what i was meant to write. I shall leave with a few parting questions. Is it live with risks, with out chance, without failure, or merely existing? Is it deserved if it was handed to you, if you did nothing to earn it? Is it morally righteous to have all your moral decisions made by the government?
The unconscious definition of American freedom has been drastically changed in the mere 232 years of this countries existence. I would argue that we have forgotten, forgotten what true freedom is, what true freedom means.
Freedom, according to the second definition at dictionary.com, is exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc. A more eloquent definition is freedom is a soul's right to breathe (I cant remember who said this, i think it was jefferson). Sadly, I see neither of these definitions in modern day America, more so than any other country, but still not there. I see it in the old American West, and in the colonies more so than anywhere else in all history.
Modern day freedom is a desire for freedom from pain, freedom from responsibility, freedom from being offended, freedom from want. Americans have lost their dream. One simply has to look at the size of the government over the past 100 years to see this. We, as Americans, have allowed more and more power, and more and more responsibility, to be removed further from our control. We have allowed countless departments, services, and dollars to merge into the federal government. This is an issue to me because the 10th Amendment SPECIFICALLY relegated these items to state control so that the issues at hand could be decided at a more local level, and everyone would have more control over it. We have allowed inefficiency caused by bureaucracy to infect vast tracts of our nation. One cannot argue that the government is more efficient than the free market on virtually any subject. This phenomenon is due to a concept called the invisible hand of economics, which I do not have time to go into here.
Furthermore, the federal government acts like a rather petulant bully over the issues it does not have direct control over. One must only look at speed limit regulations in the state of Montana. For years, the state of Montana had no speed limit outside of major urban regions. They also received no federal funding for the upkeep of these same highways, unlike every other state in the Union. The state of Montana did not do as the federal government asked, so the federal government withheld its money from the state, thereby making those roads less likely to be up kept, making the roads more dangerous for the drivers upon them. Finally, the cost of up keeping its state highway system grew too large, and the state of Montana caved to federal pressure and instituted a speed limit of 75 mph in 1996. They promptly started to receive federal funding.
The majority of this reduction of personal freedom occurred during or after the New Deal. This is plain to anybody with a sense of history and the barest minimum of intelligence. After the New Deal, the Democratic Party started to represent New Deal liberalism, this mentality that people are not able to provide for themselves, so the government should step into that role as provider. The logical end of that thought train is represented in socialism. To bely that fact, the modern day Republican party believes that people are not morally good, and are incapable of making moral choices. Therefore they are stepping in as the role of protector, whose logical conclusion is fascism. Neither of these roles take an optimistic look at people, neither of these roles allows people any freedom at the end of the day. The simple reason why we have fallen to neither of these evils is the democratic process, pitting these evils against each other in a field of combat where, hopefully, those who desire the most freedom for themselves decide the winner. The only flaw in this system is when those who decide the winner, the American people, fall in love with the economic safety nets of one side, or the lack of moral decisions on the other. This has been occurring for at least the past 70 years, and the worst part is that it is the American people's own doing.
Above i mentioned freedom from responsibility. That very concept is oxymoronic. To have freedom is to have choices. To have choices is to have responsibility. Freedom from responsibility is to live like a child, where you have no choices, and your parents, or a nanny state, make every decision for you.\
This note has taken me 2 hours to write. I have chosen my words carefully, and thought things out thoroughly. I write it to get words on a page, hence why nobody is tagged. It is not what i intended to write when i set out, but it is what i was meant to write. I shall leave with a few parting questions. Is it live with risks, with out chance, without failure, or merely existing? Is it deserved if it was handed to you, if you did nothing to earn it? Is it morally righteous to have all your moral decisions made by the government?
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
More ranting
Seems like i only come here when i need to unload, to mentally crap out. Oh well.
I had a couple interesting conversations last night. I tend to prefer to not mention names, because i know who i am talking about, and i would rather if you all did not. One conversation made me seriously think, to wonder, to question. It made me wonder what had been done to this poor girl to make her so afraid of even asking me my name, my age. The sheer fact that she reached out to me through all of that shows that she has the strength to break through it, and wants to. The sheer fact that she reached out to me makes her worth saving. I just hope i get to talk to her again, because i already care about her, am worried about you.
Another one was someone i used to talk to, yet we fell apart. Its tough, with these girls, some of them truly are women, because i let them dictate and control the conversations. Actually, i force them to, i make them take control of the conversations, of when and how much they talk to me, because i dont see any other way to help them more, to gain their trust as fast as i do,
and not push them beyond their limits. She started talking to me again, because she had forgotten who i was, well, that that screenname was me. She remembered me (im kinda hard to forget...). She just wanted to say hi, and ask who that was, but we ended up having a 2 hour long conversation about her relationship with her bf, about how she had been sexually assaulted, and how she needed to set up boundaries on the relationship, and have better communication with him. She went to bed, but before she did, she said i help her unwind her mental thoughts. So i guess i serve the same purpose to her what this blog does for me, and its something we all need.
A third conversation was an ex telling me she was seeing someone else again. No real surprise because the two have been really close for about 4 months. Im happy for them, and hope it works out through the end because my ex couldnt really handle another bad break...
A fourth conversation was with a friend who i am uncertain of her intentions. Hell im uncertain of my intentions for her. I need to find out more about her, and about me and her. I kinda get the feeling that it would lead me away from God, so i am rather hesitant to pursue anything.
The final conversation worth mentioning was the important one last night. This lady has been a blessing in my life, introducing me to my best friend, showing me that i can competently teach, lead, and listen. Last night, God used me to reinspire her. He used me to speak the Truth she needed to hear. She broke down, admitted that she was weak, that she was scared, and that she felt lost. Nothing else she said could have given me more respect for her. By admitting those things, she showed that she had strength in her, that she had courage, bravery, and that she knew the way, but did not want to travel it alone. I want to show her this side of her. This side I see. She doesnt have to be alone if she doesnt want to, all she needs to do is cry out. She did that last night, and it scared her, so she ran away. (Un)fortunately for her, im a persistent bastard. I simply want to see the best in her come out, to shine through the insecurity, the meekness. I know she has it in her, she just needs a little shove. And hopefully she wont be afraid to shove me as well.
So thats a brief update upon my life, in a rather whirlwindish fashion.
I had a couple interesting conversations last night. I tend to prefer to not mention names, because i know who i am talking about, and i would rather if you all did not. One conversation made me seriously think, to wonder, to question. It made me wonder what had been done to this poor girl to make her so afraid of even asking me my name, my age. The sheer fact that she reached out to me through all of that shows that she has the strength to break through it, and wants to. The sheer fact that she reached out to me makes her worth saving. I just hope i get to talk to her again, because i already care about her, am worried about you.
Another one was someone i used to talk to, yet we fell apart. Its tough, with these girls, some of them truly are women, because i let them dictate and control the conversations. Actually, i force them to, i make them take control of the conversations, of when and how much they talk to me, because i dont see any other way to help them more, to gain their trust as fast as i do,
and not push them beyond their limits. She started talking to me again, because she had forgotten who i was, well, that that screenname was me. She remembered me (im kinda hard to forget...). She just wanted to say hi, and ask who that was, but we ended up having a 2 hour long conversation about her relationship with her bf, about how she had been sexually assaulted, and how she needed to set up boundaries on the relationship, and have better communication with him. She went to bed, but before she did, she said i help her unwind her mental thoughts. So i guess i serve the same purpose to her what this blog does for me, and its something we all need.
A third conversation was an ex telling me she was seeing someone else again. No real surprise because the two have been really close for about 4 months. Im happy for them, and hope it works out through the end because my ex couldnt really handle another bad break...
A fourth conversation was with a friend who i am uncertain of her intentions. Hell im uncertain of my intentions for her. I need to find out more about her, and about me and her. I kinda get the feeling that it would lead me away from God, so i am rather hesitant to pursue anything.
The final conversation worth mentioning was the important one last night. This lady has been a blessing in my life, introducing me to my best friend, showing me that i can competently teach, lead, and listen. Last night, God used me to reinspire her. He used me to speak the Truth she needed to hear. She broke down, admitted that she was weak, that she was scared, and that she felt lost. Nothing else she said could have given me more respect for her. By admitting those things, she showed that she had strength in her, that she had courage, bravery, and that she knew the way, but did not want to travel it alone. I want to show her this side of her. This side I see. She doesnt have to be alone if she doesnt want to, all she needs to do is cry out. She did that last night, and it scared her, so she ran away. (Un)fortunately for her, im a persistent bastard. I simply want to see the best in her come out, to shine through the insecurity, the meekness. I know she has it in her, she just needs a little shove. And hopefully she wont be afraid to shove me as well.
So thats a brief update upon my life, in a rather whirlwindish fashion.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thoughts
Time for another rant, dont know how much yall like these, but w/e its for me and not yall.
I havent been to modern recently, which is probably kind of a bad thing considering that its easily my most difficult class. Monday is going to suck, but then after that the week will be ok, with 2 papers and a homework assignment due Monday, a lab Tuesday, and prolly 2 hw assig Wed. Thursday is my day off, with the Fireworks Show that night. Friday all day will be concert set up, which should be awesome. I am going to spend the whole time working on it blessing it in the name of God, and praying for the concert and its participants. Saturday will be cardboard boat race, along with a lot of field events, and hopefully the zombie invasion. I need to find something to occupy my time on Saturday, so that temptation shall not enter into my life, aka go off partying with my house. I am mildly saddened by the fact that Im missing the Ore Cart Pull, but working on the concert will be more than worth it, both physically and spiritually I feel. Came up with the idea for Japanese-days last night, and I know who to tell so that it happens next year. Next Wednesday, if my plans unfold, I shall be wearing chainmail and a sword all day. I plan on making a sweet scabbard out of duct-tape and an old goodwill belt. Its gonna be rockin.
Im working on prayer, and I hope its working. I really am wanting strength in the mornings to fight the demons, and knowledge to know the right decision.
Girls are confusing. I dont know what to do on that front. Im getting to know more about one, but I am certain its just going to be a friendship. I am still personally DTR'ing the relationship. Basically, I am going to spend at least 2-3 months seriously getting to know any interests before I make any decision. Of course by saying this, Im inviting God to walk into my life and totally flip everything around, but hey, thats cool if he wants to do that. I just know Im not yet the man I need to be to lead a good Christian relationship, though it might seem that I am to someone who doesnt inhabit my skull. Im not quite sure which part needs to change, but I just get the general feeling from God that something has to go, and I am attempting to cut it off a couple things that I feel are a hindrance. Im waiting, when it seems like everyone around me is falling in with someone. Im waiting, because not waiting is what the middle voice is saying.
I havent been to modern recently, which is probably kind of a bad thing considering that its easily my most difficult class. Monday is going to suck, but then after that the week will be ok, with 2 papers and a homework assignment due Monday, a lab Tuesday, and prolly 2 hw assig Wed. Thursday is my day off, with the Fireworks Show that night. Friday all day will be concert set up, which should be awesome. I am going to spend the whole time working on it blessing it in the name of God, and praying for the concert and its participants. Saturday will be cardboard boat race, along with a lot of field events, and hopefully the zombie invasion. I need to find something to occupy my time on Saturday, so that temptation shall not enter into my life, aka go off partying with my house. I am mildly saddened by the fact that Im missing the Ore Cart Pull, but working on the concert will be more than worth it, both physically and spiritually I feel. Came up with the idea for Japanese-days last night, and I know who to tell so that it happens next year. Next Wednesday, if my plans unfold, I shall be wearing chainmail and a sword all day. I plan on making a sweet scabbard out of duct-tape and an old goodwill belt. Its gonna be rockin.
Im working on prayer, and I hope its working. I really am wanting strength in the mornings to fight the demons, and knowledge to know the right decision.
Girls are confusing. I dont know what to do on that front. Im getting to know more about one, but I am certain its just going to be a friendship. I am still personally DTR'ing the relationship. Basically, I am going to spend at least 2-3 months seriously getting to know any interests before I make any decision. Of course by saying this, Im inviting God to walk into my life and totally flip everything around, but hey, thats cool if he wants to do that. I just know Im not yet the man I need to be to lead a good Christian relationship, though it might seem that I am to someone who doesnt inhabit my skull. Im not quite sure which part needs to change, but I just get the general feeling from God that something has to go, and I am attempting to cut it off a couple things that I feel are a hindrance. Im waiting, when it seems like everyone around me is falling in with someone. Im waiting, because not waiting is what the middle voice is saying.
Monday, March 24, 2008
GRRRR!
I dislike my body right now. The past 4 nights, in a row, Ive either woken up every 2 hours, or spent the whole night in some semi-awake, semi-asleep hell. I remember watching time go buy, and I remember some really wierd visions, and some terrible temptations, and its all so surreal, and terrible. Furthermore, because Im not getting an deep, REM sleep, im super exhausted, and my mind is really fried. Its really screwing things up.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Do Hard Things
I a person defined as good if all they do is not kill, rape, or steal? i dont think so. Then why is a teenager good if they dont drink, do drugs, or have sex? Why is society full of these double standards that only seem to weaken future generations? Why are people afraid of doing hard things, especially in the name of God? When did I stop pushing myself? To learn more, to grow more, to meet new people? Why am I content with who I am today? People need me out there, right now. They needme because I am trying to follow God, to be a shining, salty light on the hill. So they dont need me, just the light of God shining through me. Christ did pull-ups for 6 hours essentialy on that cross, after that brutal beating. That is amazing. Why am I sitting here in a Starbucks? I felt pulled here for some reason. Maybe the change in scenery is what unlocked this deluge. I sat for 2 hours in my secret place, and mulled over all of his. What is society? am I contenct with who I am because Ive exceeded societies expectations of me? Fuck society., I want to keep growing. God calls me to constantly hone myself, so that I might do his will better. I want to learn music, Russian, German, Spanish, C++, command line, I want to learn more about my friends, my aquaintances, my family. I want to learn more about the Bible, God, my savior, and more from the Bible. I want to stop playing video games, and instead fill the gap with these things above. I want to learn how to pick locks, free run, hunt, fly a plane, fix a car, and lead others to and closer to god. I can do all these things, they will be difficult, but they can be done. I will become a Renaissance Man, someone wo runs against society. I will not be alone. Others are standing up against our corrupt society, and I will stand strong with them.
And now, I ask... wont you join me. Wont you keep pushing yourself, learning all those things youve always wanted to. I invite you to stand strong with me.
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Listening to: Foolish Things - Who'd You Put In Charge
via FoxyTunes
And now, I ask... wont you join me. Wont you keep pushing yourself, learning all those things youve always wanted to. I invite you to stand strong with me.
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Listening to: Foolish Things - Who'd You Put In Charge
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
LOOK
at the bottom of the page for an awesome book. I recommend tit to everyone who visits my blog.
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Listening to: Thousand Foot Krutch - Hit The Floor
via FoxyTunes
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Listening to: Thousand Foot Krutch - Hit The Floor
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, February 24, 2008
I dont feel alive
I had a totally depressing weekend. Let me run it down for yall.
Friday night, roommates had a party, i played 1 game of beer pong (about 1.5 beers) and to me, all the beer tasted skunked and like warm piss. I have no idea why, cus i was the only one who though that. Also, I drank, so that put me in a bad mood cus i had said i wasnt going to, and I caved in. The next day I went to the mall, which always depresses me cus of materialism. And today, this morning, one of my good friends, the person ive let deepest into my heart, my mind, my soul, told me to "fuck off." It hurt me deep, and Ive not been able to do anything all day. To make things worse, my back flaired up friday and has not receded. Yesterday I was shaking and crying, and today i just spent the whole day numb. Ive contemplated cutting, suicide, and a lot of other things. Im sorry if this scares any of you, but its the truth. Its been a bad weekend for me, and I need love. I dont feel alive, the fire has gone out in me, and i need something dramatic to rekindle it. I can subsist, and live, but I wont be alive. I need something dramatic.
Friday night, roommates had a party, i played 1 game of beer pong (about 1.5 beers) and to me, all the beer tasted skunked and like warm piss. I have no idea why, cus i was the only one who though that. Also, I drank, so that put me in a bad mood cus i had said i wasnt going to, and I caved in. The next day I went to the mall, which always depresses me cus of materialism. And today, this morning, one of my good friends, the person ive let deepest into my heart, my mind, my soul, told me to "fuck off." It hurt me deep, and Ive not been able to do anything all day. To make things worse, my back flaired up friday and has not receded. Yesterday I was shaking and crying, and today i just spent the whole day numb. Ive contemplated cutting, suicide, and a lot of other things. Im sorry if this scares any of you, but its the truth. Its been a bad weekend for me, and I need love. I dont feel alive, the fire has gone out in me, and i need something dramatic to rekindle it. I can subsist, and live, but I wont be alive. I need something dramatic.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Life Is Good
Im sitting here in Florida poolside, unwinding. Life is going good. Classes are going at a B or C level, which is barely acceptable. Ive got a great girlfriend, who is awesome. Im surround by my family, the only group of people where I totally feel like I belong. Large groups of Vogts should be avoided by non-crazy people. I hope all my readers (if there are any) have a great Thanksgiving. Good night, and good week.
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