I dont feel alive

I had a totally depressing weekend. Let me run it down for yall.
Friday night, roommates had a party, i played 1 game of beer pong (about 1.5 beers) and to me, all the beer tasted skunked and like warm piss. I have no idea why, cus i was the only one who though that. Also, I drank, so that put me in a bad mood cus i had said i wasnt going to, and I caved in. The next day I went to the mall, which always depresses me cus of materialism. And today, this morning, one of my good friends, the person ive let deepest into my heart, my mind, my soul, told me to "fuck off." It hurt me deep, and Ive not been able to do anything all day. To make things worse, my back flaired up friday and has not receded. Yesterday I was shaking and crying, and today i just spent the whole day numb. Ive contemplated cutting, suicide, and a lot of other things. Im sorry if this scares any of you, but its the truth. Its been a bad weekend for me, and I need love. I dont feel alive, the fire has gone out in me, and i need something dramatic to rekindle it. I can subsist, and live, but I wont be alive. I need something dramatic.