More ranting

Seems like i only come here when i need to unload, to mentally crap out. Oh well.

I had a couple interesting conversations last night. I tend to prefer to not mention names, because i know who i am talking about, and i would rather if you all did not. One conversation made me seriously think, to wonder, to question. It made me wonder what had been done to this poor girl to make her so afraid of even asking me my name, my age. The sheer fact that she reached out to me through all of that shows that she has the strength to break through it, and wants to. The sheer fact that she reached out to me makes her worth saving. I just hope i get to talk to her again, because i already care about her, am worried about you.

Another one was someone i used to talk to, yet we fell apart. Its tough, with these girls, some of them truly are women, because i let them dictate and control the conversations. Actually, i force them to, i make them take control of the conversations, of when and how much they talk to me, because i dont see any other way to help them more, to gain their trust as fast as i do,
and not push them beyond their limits. She started talking to me again, because she had forgotten who i was, well, that that screenname was me. She remembered me (im kinda hard to forget...). She just wanted to say hi, and ask who that was, but we ended up having a 2 hour long conversation about her relationship with her bf, about how she had been sexually assaulted, and how she needed to set up boundaries on the relationship, and have better communication with him. She went to bed, but before she did, she said i help her unwind her mental thoughts. So i guess i serve the same purpose to her what this blog does for me, and its something we all need.

A third conversation was an ex telling me she was seeing someone else again. No real surprise because the two have been really close for about 4 months. Im happy for them, and hope it works out through the end because my ex couldnt really handle another bad break...

A fourth conversation was with a friend who i am uncertain of her intentions. Hell im uncertain of my intentions for her. I need to find out more about her, and about me and her. I kinda get the feeling that it would lead me away from God, so i am rather hesitant to pursue anything.

The final conversation worth mentioning was the important one last night. This lady has been a blessing in my life, introducing me to my best friend, showing me that i can competently teach, lead, and listen. Last night, God used me to reinspire her. He used me to speak the Truth she needed to hear. She broke down, admitted that she was weak, that she was scared, and that she felt lost. Nothing else she said could have given me more respect for her. By admitting those things, she showed that she had strength in her, that she had courage, bravery, and that she knew the way, but did not want to travel it alone. I want to show her this side of her. This side I see. She doesnt have to be alone if she doesnt want to, all she needs to do is cry out. She did that last night, and it scared her, so she ran away. (Un)fortunately for her, im a persistent bastard. I simply want to see the best in her come out, to shine through the insecurity, the meekness. I know she has it in her, she just needs a little shove. And hopefully she wont be afraid to shove me as well.

So thats a brief update upon my life, in a rather whirlwindish fashion.