Thoughts

Time for another rant, dont know how much yall like these, but w/e its for me and not yall.

I havent been to modern recently, which is probably kind of a bad thing considering that its easily my most difficult class. Monday is going to suck, but then after that the week will be ok, with 2 papers and a homework assignment due Monday, a lab Tuesday, and prolly 2 hw assig Wed. Thursday is my day off, with the Fireworks Show that night. Friday all day will be concert set up, which should be awesome. I am going to spend the whole time working on it blessing it in the name of God, and praying for the concert and its participants. Saturday will be cardboard boat race, along with a lot of field events, and hopefully the zombie invasion. I need to find something to occupy my time on Saturday, so that temptation shall not enter into my life, aka go off partying with my house. I am mildly saddened by the fact that Im missing the Ore Cart Pull, but working on the concert will be more than worth it, both physically and spiritually I feel. Came up with the idea for Japanese-days last night, and I know who to tell so that it happens next year. Next Wednesday, if my plans unfold, I shall be wearing chainmail and a sword all day. I plan on making a sweet scabbard out of duct-tape and an old goodwill belt. Its gonna be rockin.

Im working on prayer, and I hope its working. I really am wanting strength in the mornings to fight the demons, and knowledge to know the right decision.

Girls are confusing. I dont know what to do on that front. Im getting to know more about one, but I am certain its just going to be a friendship. I am still personally DTR'ing the relationship. Basically, I am going to spend at least 2-3 months seriously getting to know any interests before I make any decision. Of course by saying this, Im inviting God to walk into my life and totally flip everything around, but hey, thats cool if he wants to do that. I just know Im not yet the man I need to be to lead a good Christian relationship, though it might seem that I am to someone who doesnt inhabit my skull. Im not quite sure which part needs to change, but I just get the general feeling from God that something has to go, and I am attempting to cut it off a couple things that I feel are a hindrance. Im waiting, when it seems like everyone around me is falling in with someone. Im waiting, because not waiting is what the middle voice is saying.

GRRRR!

I dislike my body right now. The past 4 nights, in a row, Ive either woken up every 2 hours, or spent the whole night in some semi-awake, semi-asleep hell. I remember watching time go buy, and I remember some really wierd visions, and some terrible temptations, and its all so surreal, and terrible. Furthermore, because Im not getting an deep, REM sleep, im super exhausted, and my mind is really fried. Its really screwing things up.

Do Hard Things

I a person defined as good if all they do is not kill, rape, or steal? i dont think so. Then why is a teenager good if they dont drink, do drugs, or have sex? Why is society full of these double standards that only seem to weaken future generations? Why are people afraid of doing hard things, especially in the name of God? When did I stop pushing myself? To learn more, to grow more, to meet new people? Why am I content with who I am today? People need me out there, right now. They needme because I am trying to follow God, to be a shining, salty light on the hill. So they dont need me, just the light of God shining through me. Christ did pull-ups for 6 hours essentialy on that cross, after that brutal beating. That is amazing. Why am I sitting here in a Starbucks? I felt pulled here for some reason. Maybe the change in scenery is what unlocked this deluge. I sat for 2 hours in my secret place, and mulled over all of his. What is society? am I contenct with who I am because Ive exceeded societies expectations of me? Fuck society., I want to keep growing. God calls me to constantly hone myself, so that I might do his will better. I want to learn music, Russian, German, Spanish, C++, command line, I want to learn more about my friends, my aquaintances, my family. I want to learn more about the Bible, God, my savior, and more from the Bible. I want to stop playing video games, and instead fill the gap with these things above. I want to learn how to pick locks, free run, hunt, fly a plane, fix a car, and lead others to and closer to god. I can do all these things, they will be difficult, but they can be done. I will become a Renaissance Man, someone wo runs against society. I will not be alone. Others are standing up against our corrupt society, and I will stand strong with them.


And now, I ask... wont you join me. Wont you keep pushing yourself, learning all those things youve always wanted to. I invite you to stand strong with me.

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Listening to: Foolish Things - Who'd You Put In Charge
via FoxyTunes

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Listening to: Thousand Foot Krutch - Hit The Floor
via FoxyTunes